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"I am still wondering how he saw himself in the world. Did he see himself as a good parent? Was he evil, misguided or just out of control?"

Everyone in this world sees themselves as a good or righteous person.

Any hideous crime people commit, will be considered in the perpetrator's mind as a necessary evil, that is done in service of a greater "value". They might even think themselves brave, for doing the evil thing, because they value "the thing" so much, they are willing to do whatever is necessary, to move the greater goal forward. But there is always something, that justifies to them what they do.

(Then of course there are other issues, like the commitment principle, that will drive anyone more committed to anything they have done (accepted and justified to themselves) once, the person will be much more likely to do that thing again, and even accept doing something even worse, with greater ease, as long as it's in the same vein as the original act. That, and desensitizin themselves to what they are doing over time.)

Mind you, the value can completely be a misguided one. It can be the communist ideals, if they beleive them. It can be the wellbeing of the world (in whatever way someone might imagine it).

It can get muddied as well, if the "value" is internal, such as self-preservation, or recovering agency in one's life, like how abused people can feel an internal need to feel in control of their life. It get's even more confusing, when they cannot fully understand it themselves...

And of course on top of this all, there's the issue of the "way" of trying to achieve the betterment of the "value". The way of expressing the value may be weak, only slightly improving it. Actions can be inefficient, not doing anything, causing great frustration for the person, who is doing so much, to "make things better. Or they can be straight up counterproductive, where additional blindfolds are on the person not realizing, that what they are doing, is the reason for their problems, or perceived transgressions to their "value". But the person will continue to carry out the action, as long as they beleive it's "the right thing" to do, or they learn of a better way.

So to sum it up: everybody feels (at least unconsciously) justified to do the things they do, led by an internal value system, and express it in the best (albeit possibly limited) way they know. If every single one of the 3000+ personal stories of my clients are any indication: in his mind, he was the righteous or good person.

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Unfortunately, I have to agree with you completely. To a point it was a rhetorical question, but you explained it perfectly.

I was asked recently (in relation to Gaza/Israel) whether I believe 'original' (and I could add unrepentant) evil. I don't.

Just as you said, we all see ourselves, and whatever we do in moral terms.

When MJ framed the kulaks, in his mind, he did it for the greater good.

When the teacher I told you about, subjected me to one of the most memorable injustices of my life, she did it to challenge me. I know that I was her favorite student.

What makes De Sade's "Philosophy in the bedroom" so scary is that it is moral philosophy.

https://zorkthehun.substack.com/p/on-being-negative

What makes the Wannsee conference I mentioned in:

https://zorkthehun.substack.com/p/my-little-sister-the-mass-murderer

so scary, is that many of the people there saw themselves as reluctant executioners of the will of the rest of the world and in that, they saw themselves as people with a higher morality. They had the moral courage to do what the rest of the world would not.

Do you think that your aunt can ever understand that?

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fascinating deep dive, thank you!

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I got some very interesting comments from my family.

A lot of details from my sister, most of which I knew, but left out as they would not have added to the points I was trying to make.

My cousin pointed out, that the transition from communism in Hungary was entirely non violent, meaning that the people who were working for the state security had all the time to destroy any and all documents that could incriminate them in any way.

On another note, I wonder how many of you got the Kamala/democrat hint in the Gollum gif....

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